


cold, cold, cold, cold inside

by poketa



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, F/F, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-03-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:55:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22982101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poketa/pseuds/poketa
Summary: Quinn assist to the opening night of Funny Girl
Relationships: Rachel Berry/Quinn Fabray
Comments: 9
Kudos: 37





	cold, cold, cold, cold inside

**Author's Note:**

> this was a product of our angsty minds and many breakdowns - so yeah.

She puts an alarm to buy the ticket.

Her roommate that never asks too many questions but helps her nonetheless, just sighs as she sees Quinn mark down the date on her calendar and it seems like she is finally sick of being silent.

"It's Rachel isn't?" 

Quinn bites her lip as she drops her phone on her desk and takes her book on her hands again.

"Did she reply this time?" her roommate continues and her tone is cautious, like if she were to step too far, Quinn would slap her but she's not that girl anymore. 

Her anger is not what it used to be - she's working on it.

 _Still_ \- it's not like she doesn't have any traumas - being kicked out of her home at sixteen, being pregnant and homeless, her depression getting the worst of her after giving up Beth, then the car crash - it just makes sense that her mental state isn't a beach on the Caribbean and she doesn't confide much of herself to other people.

But Ronnie has been a good roommate - never too nosy, always tidy, intelligent to stick to her studies and to ask Quinn if she doesn't mind her boyfriend coming over for a movie.

"She hasn't" Quinn replies as she sits again in her bed and averts her eyes to the pages of her book "It doesn't matter, this is different" she confides with a shake of her head as she sighs.

* * *

The day the alarm wakes her up at five a.m, Quinn can't help but worry her lip over and over til it bleeds.

Promises, the kind you can't break, fleet through her mind as Quinn's sits on her desk purchasing the ticket. 

The seat must be fourth or the five row - _the perfect view_ \- that used to say Rachel - not to her - but to Kurt or Mercedes or to anyone who would be listening. 

Meanwhile, Quinn used to sit in the back row of the choir room and read - try to fly herself to other universes and worlds - to the lives of other women who would be fulfilling their lives with romantic desire and adventures and passion - living their dreams.

Rachel always had that same sparkle that the heroes in her novels had - the dreams - the plans to be more and _push push push_ til they got what they wanted. If anything, as much as she wanted to lose herself in her books, she was never quite far from Rachel.

* * *

Ronnie just sends a pitiful glance her way as Quinn gazes at the calendar every time she enters the room.

The marked date is a beacon of light in the midst of unanswered texts and forgotten video calls, it's been weeks of radio silence but this goes beyond that.

Opening night goes beyond all of that. 

It's a _promise._

* * *

"You look nice" comes from the other side of the room as Quinn applies mascara. She sends a humble smile to the reflection in the mirror and goes back to herself. 

Her hair is nicely tugged and put in place. 

She has on a modest burgundy dress with just one shoulder and a nice fall to the knees, bought months ago, just for tonight.

"It's opening night" Quinn comments instead, observing her own reflection and her eyes just look a little misty as she hears her own voice. 

She closes them.

"I know" Ronnie voices back and there's that little edge of questioning that always comes with the topic of Rachel.

Bracing herself for it, Quinn bites her lip as the silence stretches for a second too long as her roommate searches for something in her desk drawer.

"I bought a ticket too" Ronnie says suddenly and Quinn turns around to really look at her roommate, who has the very ticket to _Funny Girl_ on her hand. Quinn looks up and there's a frown on that face that makes her nervous as she just raises her brow at her roommate. "Matt knows someone and bought it for me - It's the seat besides yours" Ronnie explains.

"Why?" Quinn questions as she observes the brunette "why would you do that?"

Ronnie shrugs "I'm giving musicals a try" 

Quinn nods and goes back to her hair and Ronnie stands from her bed, starting to get ready, taking a dress in a coat hanger from her closet.

The silence is not tense but there's something in the air that makes Quinn squirm in her seat as she watches another minute go by the clock.

"I'm paying for the Uber" Quinn declares finally as she finally goes back to her own reflection in the mirror. 

Her eyes are still misty but for a different reason and she lets herself feel miserable for all of two seconds before going back to her hair.

After all, it's _still_ opening night.

* * *

The fifth row is full as they walk by but getting to their seats just shows them how good the view of the stage is from there and Quinn sighs.

" _Thanks,_ " Quinn replies with a kind smile to the usher who shows them their seats with a flourish.

"Wow" Ronnie mutters by her side, lookin at the gallery and the curtains "This is beautiful"

As much as the whole theatre is a sight to behold, Quinn can't help but think about something else.

"I know" Quinn comments as she faces the stage with an anxious smile, tapping the support on the side of her seat with her fingers.

The lights blink a few times and everyone quickly gets to their seats.

Quinn may not be the biggest fan of musicals but if there is something that she knows from years of knowing people who did is that musicals are another experience completely.

It's mesmerizing as the orchestra begins to play and the overture opens the play.

Tears begin to travel down her cheeks as she hears the first notes of Rachel's singing voice. Quinn watches with rapture as the brunette makes her way through the stage, belting word after word of a song that she has never heard before. She breathes in as the song ends and Rachel begins to act her way through the floor.

“That's Rachel?" comes a whisper from her right and Quinn can only nod as her entire attention is on the stage with talented woman dancing and belting words " _Wow_ " Ronnie comments.

"I know" Quinn agrees as Rachel twirls around and continues singing _I'm the Greatest Star_ around the stage. She is magnetic in all the ways she displayed at glee club and even more now. It's like her years of training for this very moment, pay off as her songs ends and everyone stares in awe at the ending notes of the number.

_You bet your last dime_

_In all of the world so far_

_I'm the greatest, greatest star_

And Quinn thinks with a little smile as the tears run down her cheeks, _you always were._

* * *

The play ends and Quinn can only stand as she sobs and applauds at the cast bowing and waving to the people. It's overwhelming, Rachel _did_ it.

The lights come back to life after the curtain closes and the blonde stays rooted to the spot, apparently unable to move.

"What's the plan?" Ronnie inquires as she dries her tears with a little piece of fabric from her purse and the blonde notes with a frown she hasn't been the only one absolutely moved by the performance.

Quinn shakes her head and looks to the side with a furrowed brow "What do you mean?"

Ronnie frowns "The flowers" she points to the bucket on Quinn's lap and the blonde colours as she remembers them "Are you going to give them to her or not?" 

"And why would I do that?" Quinn asks with a raised brow as the people around them leave the theater. Ronnie just shoots her a look and Quinn sighs "She might not want to see me, alright" the blonde scoffs.

"You won't ever know if you don't try" Ronnie says as she shoves her shoulder lightly and she stands up. Quinn watches her friend dust off her dress and then look at her expectantly.

She kind of preferred Ronnie when she didn't make such great points. 

With a confident smile Quinn walks towards the backstage but someone stops her. _Security._

"Ma'am do you have any credentials?" the man requests with a frown.

And the blonde frowns back as she holds the bouquet of gardenias tightly on her grasp "I'm friend of the lead actress” she replies and it feels awkward to put it that way. In the way, that she and Rachel were never friends but it's the best answer she can give at this moment.

And at this exact moment, Quinn sees her.

Rachel, walking through the backstage, an elated smile on her face as she passes through it and Quinn can't help but mirror it as she sees the display of happiness in that face.

But then a man appears out of nowhere or maybe from the other side of the hallway, Quinn isn't sure as she just sees red as he embraces Rachel tightly from behind. 

Quinn's lips move quickly into an expression of shock as she recognizes him and a memory of eggs and a ridiculous music video appear at the back of her mind.

_"Ma'am?"_

Rachel moves away from the embrace and it's slow motion of sorts, everything goes way too slowly, but then is Rachel who moves first and Quinn feels something deep inside her.

The kiss happens right in front of her as Jesse holds Rachel tightly on his arms and she closes her mouth.

Quinn turns around.

Her hands are quick to remove the little note on the bouquet and she turns back to the man, keeping her eyes downcast as tells him "Give them to Rachel Berry, please?" Her voice is hoarse and he seems worried but just accepts.

"Sure" he takes the bouquet and Quinn turns back instantly, hiding her face from everyone as that feeling starts to squeeze her heart.

Quinn thanks him quickly and moves to the nearest exit, where the air is cold but welcome as the rapid beating of her heart has been making her feel hot all over. It's a conflict of emotions as she thinks about the scene but she just closes her eyes as she brings out her cellphone and deals Ronnies number.

“ _Hey - did you do it?”_

“Yeah” the blonde mutters as she sighs and drops her head back to the structure.

“ _And?”_ her roommate persists.

“I want to go home” Quinn replies dryly as a tear moves down past her cheek and it feels like junior year of high school all over again but is it not just Rachel and Jesse at prom - its Jesse and Rachel at Rachel's opening night - one of the important moments of her life and there's something deeply painful about the way that kiss keeps repeating itself on her mind.

Once again, she came too late.

Quinn dries her tears on the sleeve of her coat and moves away from the building.

 _“...shit - no, let's go for drinks, i'll pay”_ she hears the muffled voice of her roommate and the cold wind of New York seems to cut through her like razors as Quinn bites her lip as to not sob. Quinn sighs a little _yes_ and then remembers with a teary eyed grin that Ronnie doesn't like swears but the dread still is churning down _“meet me at the front - I know where to go”_ Ronnie instructs.

And as Quinn walks through the alley towards the main entrance, she drops the note, letting it fall down from her hand. It falls in a puddle and slowly becomes part of a pile of trash drowned in the murky water and Quinn can only keep on walking as she holds herself together. 

At least, Rachel got _one_ thing right.

* * *

  
  


_Among all the stars in the sky, one of those will never be quite like the others._

_It's not the shine, even though it's brighter than the others._

_It's not the size, even though it's smaller than the others._

_But it's because one of those has my heart and she doesn't know it._

_-Q._


End file.
